Satan's playroom | home
Jokes
One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why SHE cuts the grass!"
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
"Watson, you prick. Some fucker has stolen our tent."
A GIRL'S FIRST TIME!!!
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
more room for an easy
entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as little pain as
possible. As he presses
closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way; pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and
nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to
have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinkin' ?
PERVERT
I know what you were thinking!
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